Support Your Teen's Mental Health This Summer

I know, I know. Nobody wants to talk about Covid anymore. We don't even want to think about it. But preliminary findings suggest that, even as the virus goes away, there will be lingering effects even for those who did not have it, especially for those who were not yet adults when the pandemic began.

Part of why we don't like thinking about Covid is because of all that was required of us. As adults, we had to learn how to work remotely, convert the dining room table into a learning environment, and generally juggle a dozen or so significant changes, all while trying to maintain our sanity. (Or, at least, the appearance of it.)

Our children had to adjust too, and they gallantly rose to the challenge of suddenly learning from home, putting up with technologically challenged teachers, staying connected to vital friendships only through social media, and — all too often — mourning the unexpected loss of a loved one. (At least 200,000 teens lost a primary caregiver to Covid 19.)

Through repeatedly having to adjust to what life throws at us, we gain valuable experience each day that allows us to be more flexible as new challenges arise. But there's a difference here. We adults are at a distinct advantage as we have far more life experience than our children and are thus far more flexible. But even we have felt as though we were going to lose our minds at some point these last couple years. That means our children — though they often appeared resilient — were often straight white-knuckling it.

What I and other clinicians are now seeing is that, as life returns to "normal," and students are returning to school, and their responsibilities are ramping up, the fumes our teens have been running on are running out. What does that look like? Sudden and uncharacteristic changes in mood, academic performance, relationships, interests, and motivation level. Many of them are simply falling apart.

Even before the pandemic began, we knew that our kids were not OK. Data indicated that at least one in five teens had a mental disorder, yet only 20% were receiving professional care. Death by suicide was already the second leading cause of death. And, for several years in a row now, teens were already reporting that they were living with a higher baseline level of stress than their adult parents.

Unfortunately, things have only gotten worse. In the midst of the pandemic, a 2021 national survey of high school students indicated that 37% of them were concerned about their own mental health, and 44% said they felt sad or hopeless. Those two numbers alone indicate a significant worsening of the situation from before the pandemic began, and should be cause for serious concern.

Since the pandemic began, more teens have been seeking out mental health services for anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and grief. But anecdotally, I can also tell you — from my own experience and from speaking to other professionals in the field — that more teens are coming to therapy without even being able to describe what's wrong with them. The just know that they are not okay. Even with the changes and stressors and trauma of quarantine and remote learning far behind them, they still just know that they are not okay.

All right, that's enough alarming information for this post, although I could go on. But, as parents, what does this professional in the field think you should know or do about this situation?

First, trust your parental instincts or your child if either tell you that they are not OK. Teens are programmed to want to make you think they've got it all together. If they're telling you they do not, or you see their façade cracking, believe it.

Second, remember that there is no rule that says we have to keep it together all the time. Sometimes life simply outstrips our resources, and we get overwhelmed. This is not failure; this is just how it goes, and we must reject the idea that mental health struggles are indicative of some deeper personal defect. Embrace the truth that everybody struggles sometimes; it would be abnormal not to.

Third, you don't have to have all the answers as a parent. You don't diagnose or prescribe medication for your child's physical complaints; why expect yourself to treat their mental ones? One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves as parents and also to our children is to acknowledge when it's appropriate to consult a professional. It gives us permission to not have all the answers, and it models for our children the value of seeking expertise. Not sure where to find a qualified therapist? Talk to your child's school’s guidance department, their pediatrician, or other trusted parents. (Remember, it's OK to acknowledge your kid needs help. It's not a defect, and it models healthy behavior!)

Fourth, despite their disadvantage in responding to the changes brought about by the pandemic, our children are actually at a distinct advantage in that they have most of their lives ahead of them, and thus stand to benefit from therapy more than an adult ever could. Think about it — not only will therapy now help our teens get back on track after Covid, but it will also help set them on a different mental health trajectory for the rest of their lives. I honestly can't think of a greater impact on our children's lifetime well-being than supporting their mental health before they’re adults.

And fifth, I feel like a broken record saying it, but summers represent a tremendous opportunity for students struggling with their mental health. They offer a three month break from significant stressors, and allow them to focus their energy on building up new habits and skills in therapy before the next academic year begins. Don't give into the temptation to just "enjoy the summer" and hope things are different next school year. Unless they’ve gained new insights or learned new skills, your teen will be no better off.

Lastly, one distinctly positive thing did come about thanks to the pandemic. In 2019, the world was largely on the fence about virtual therapy sessions. Was it practical? Was it effective? Preliminary data was inconclusive. Well, thanks to the quarantining of Covid, we now have tons of data on this subject, and it indicates that teletherapy is just as effective as in person therapy. Not only that, young people are about as comfortable as you can get talking to another human on a screen. So if you're struggling to find a qualified therapist to meet with your teen, teletherapy is an excellent alternative.

I believe time will show that the pandemic is our teenagers’ Great Depression. We won't be able to erase its indelible effect on their mental health, but as their parents, I believe we must do what we can to support them and connect them to the skills they need to recover from it as best they can. And in a season where your children are old enough to need less and less from you, therapy remains an incredible gift we can give to our teens.